I haven't written anything here in a while, and that's basically due to life happening. At the time of my last entry, I was amidst the graduate school application process and saw the opportunity to wax nostalgic about my favorite movie as a method of release. I'm disappointed that the application process did not go as planned, due to one of the professors whose recommendation I required being on sabbatical this year. I tried to contact professors back at the end of November, hoping to get their letters by the February 1st deadline. One of them was out of the country and didn't get to my email until the third week in January. By that time, I'd sent an email, written and delivered a note, and set up an appointment immediately at the start of the spring semester.

However, the other professor never responded. In spite of her autoresponse claiming that she will check in and respond eventually, months (and a second email later), she hasn't. I sent the second email due to one program having a due date for application of April 1st and the hope that if two months wasn't enough time to respond, perhaps four months would be. Unfortunately, she hasn't written back, and I won't be able to get anything submitted. I'm trying to take it positively, though the graduate school process took up a big chunk of time starting last fall, and drove me absolutely nuts with stress. I'm disappointed, but all I can do is just take the next year to strengthen my candidacy and hopefully I will have more success.

Last month, my grandfather passed away after almost five years fighting lung cancer. It's still really weird not having him downstairs, not joking with my mom about the television he left blaring so loudly we could hear it up here because his hearing aid had slipped behind his bed, not seeing him smile and crack a joke. It was pretty obvious that my grandfather felt that he wouldn't make it long, and he was in a lot of pain. He gathered everyone in his room one by one last Christmas. Over the last year, he told all sorts of stories, especially when I'd come see him. And we got to have dinner together one night, just the two of us – something that I can't even remember if ever happened before. We've eaten lunch together before, but this was dinner and a good conversation. There is a project I may be taking on soon that involves electronics
and soldering –and he would have been able to advise me,
having done electrician work for a time, and later around the house.

I miss him.

Yesterday, I colored my hair. I only used a temporary color, so my hair isn't dramatic or lighter, it's just slightly redder, which softens the darkness of my deep brown hair and makes my natural red highlights stand out more. I don't like using anything too harsh on my hair, but experimenting is fun sometimes.

I've also been doing a lot of work on my website. It's nowhere near done, and the template restrictions are a bit annoying, but I'm going to work with OfficeLive for now, until I can host and design it myself. I'll post more about my site when it's more than a mere framework. I'm just hoping that building this online profile and homebase for myself will help me in my career pursuits. Getting a publishing job in NY is so competitive. Many internships are unpaid and I need money. The other internships are generally only for students. As if someone can't decide to change career goals at some point after school! I keep applying to various positions and attempting freelance in the meantime.

I just hope someone will bite soon. I don't have any contacts in publishing, and was never a big networker in school, so it's really difficult. Still, I'll persevere. The website is merely one link in how I'm attempting to establish myself.

QotD: Well, I’d Never!

What did you think you would never ever do… but did? 
Submitted by Murky.  

I had my hair cut in early summer. Now that may not seem like a big deal to most people, but mine was down to my thighs and it had been sort of in a plain one length style for many years. I'd trimmed it myself here and there but I hadn't let anyone else cut my hair since I was nine years old.

Why? When I was nine, I went with my mother to the children's hair place we'd gone to many times over the years. I think we'd asked for a cut around chin length or just below. When I was a kid, my mom always preferred my hair short and my dad always preferred my hair long. I sort of tended to waver a bit, preferring it longer much of the time, but my mom would eventually win, and my hair as a kid was usually never past my shoulders.

This time, however, the final result was way too short. I hated it. I was nine years old and of course, hair grows back, but when you're a kid, it's devastating. And it seems to take absolutely forever. I cried about it a lot. It was roughly to my ear.

I was so traumatized by that incident that I didn't let another person cut my hair for sixteen years.

In the meantime, I enjoyed it once it got long. I loved all the new things I could do that I couldn't before. And so after a while, my mother relented and let me keep it, as long as I brushed and took care of it. I did just that.

It was alternately pretty and versatile and partial security blanket. I grew up a pretty shy girl and I suppose that was a natural progression. so when it came time to consider cutting it, I was scared. I hadn't had hair that short since childhood! It was almost a part of my identity. I tied it to how pretty I was and all sorts of oddities. I was literally terrified to get my hair cut.

I was afraid it would turn out badly and I'd be traumatized for another 16 years.

In May, I noticed an ad in a magazine for an upcoming charity event that would take place in June. It was sponsored by Redken, and all proceeds from the day would be given to b.cause, sponsoring America's Second Harvest. So I made the decision to go. I was really scared (my poor boyfriend, trying to reassure me that it would be okay), but I went. I figured I'd get it cut and also donate the hair to a charity afterward.

So that's what I did. I didn't get much sleep the night before (for a number of reasons), but I walked in there, stated approximately what I wanted (mid-back with some long layering) and even before they washed my hair, my stylist snipped off a good 15 inches or so. In a few seconds, there went a lot of hair and the rest of my fear. People kept coming around to see me and talk to me because I was obviously getting something dramatic done, and donating to two charities at once. Plus, I think my hair was kind of admired since it's never been permamently dyed or altered.

It came out a bit shorter when dry than I'd expected, but I was fine. No trauma, just the knowledge that it would grow in eventually. Now it has, and I still have all this versatility and more than before, since it's no longer nearly as heavy.

I never really imagined having my hair cut again, let alone being happy with it, but I have.